A Brief Guide to A A. Alcoholics Anonymous

Keeping in mind that, if I can’t add the kicker “I regret what I did, and I don’t do that anymore” then maybe I’m not ready to make that amend yet. Relationships take the brunt of addiction, often leading to a lack of trust, poor communication, and an inability to handle chronic stress. Recovery is about repairing those relationships and using healthier communication and coping strategies.

You can be honest, but you don’t have to disclose everything. Rushing into an amend that could bring hardship to our unsuspecting family, or to other third parties, is another mistake that people https://ecosoberhouse.com/ sometimes make. In Step Nine in the 12×12 it says that “WE cannot, for example, unload a detailed account of extramarital adventuring upon the shoulders of our unsuspecting wife or husband”.

Family and Children’s Programs

After we have put some time between us and our last debacles, we can revisit those amends and go into details about each event, only after we have run it by an experienced and trusted advisor. “Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. This tends to result in enhanced relationships and repairing ones that were injured.

  • Many people begin making amends as soon as they join AA.
  • On the surface, making amends might sound as simple as offering a sincere apology for your treatment of others, but there’s more to this cornerstone Twelve Step practice.
  • The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing.
  • It means that you’re not just using your words to show a change, your actions are proving this change as well.

Step 9 of AA may be one of the most difficult you’ll face on your journey to sobriety. Obtaining forgiveness from those who you’ve hurt as well as forgiving yourself for your past transgressions can lead to healing for all parties involved. It’s really hard to apologize to those you’ve hurt — it takes courage and humility and requires a deep, intense look at yourself. Thankfully, there are tips you can take to help make your living amends permanent and lasting.

Young and Sober in AA: From Drinking to Recovery

We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease. Steps 8 and 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction. We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding. When you start to embody the guiding principles living amends of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), you’ll embark on a journey to convince the people you’ve hurt that you’re changing for the better. Step 9 of AA allows you to open the door for honest discussions about how you might have caused harm and what you can do to rectify it. In doing so, you’ll build a strong foundation for developing positive relationships with people in your life.

You can gain clarity about what happened and what should have happened. I am very sorry for stealing money out of your desk in order to fund my drug habit last year. Remembering how I stole from you makes me sad and fills me with shame.

Different Types of Amends

Before you decide who to approach and how you intend to make amends, reflect on your efforts at recovery and the intent behind making amends. Even so, you will have done all that you can to take responsibility for the past—and there’s a level of peace and freedom in that as well. How the other person chooses to respond to our amends is out of our control. Completing Step 9 is the next step forward in recovery, regardless of how the other person responds. When you make amends, the way you look and feel about situations changes.

alcoholics anonymous living amends

If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation. If there are any concerns about content we have published, please reach out to us at The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing. This is part of our ongoing commitment to ensure FHE Health is trusted as a leader in mental health and addiction care.

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